*** نقل قول بزرگان(english) ***

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"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." -- Edmund Burke
"I did not have three thousand pairs of shoes, I had one thousand and sixty." -- Imelda Marcos
"Don't be afraid your life will end; be afraid that it will never begin." -- Grace Hansen
"It is not the responsibility of the goverment or the legal system to protect a citizen from himself." -- Justice Casey Percell
"Never trust a computer you can't throw out a window." -- Steve Wozniak
"The secret to success is to offend the greatest number of people." -- George Bernard Shaw
"He who renders warfare fatal to all engaged in it will be the greatest benefactor the world has yet known." -- Sir Richard Burton
"Every decent man is ashamed of the government he lives under." -- H. L. Mencken
"Write with the learned, pronounce with the vulgar." -- Ben Franklin
"All wars are civil wars, because all men are brothers ... Each one owes infinitely more to the human race than to the particular country in which he was born." -- Francois Fenelon
"Fiction is [a form of writing which] reveals truths that reality obscures." -- Jessamyn West
"The fact that man knows right from wrong proves his intellectual superiority to other creatures; but the fact that he can do wrong proves his moral inferiority to any creature that cannot." -- Mark Twain
Deep Thoughts: Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait, not me, you.
"One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important." -- Bertrand Russell
"Where ignorance is our master, there is no possibility of real peace." -- Dalai Lama
"The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready." -- Henry David Thoreau
"Love your neighbor, yet don't pull down your hedge." -- Ben Franklin
"Never dress down for the poor. They won't respect you for it. They want their First Lady to look like a million dollars." -- Imelda Marcos
"When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced... Live your life so that when you die, the world cries and you rejoice." -- Cherokee saying
"Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives." -- Sue Murphy
"When the only tool you have is a hammer, every problem starts to look like a nail."
"Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know." -- Ernest Hemingway
"A copy of the universe is not what is required of art; one of the damned things is ample." -- Rebecca West
"Our life is frittered away by detail...Simplify, simplify." -- Henry David Thoreau
"Mankind must put an end to war, or war will put an end to mankind." -- John Fitzgerald Kennedy
"Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons." -- Woody Allen
Fun with C Shell: Type the following: man: Why did you get a divorce?
"Adding sound to movies would be like putting lipstick on the Venus de Milo." -- actress Mary Pickford, 1925
"If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get one million miles to the gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside." -- Robert X Cringely
"A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila." -- Mitch Ratliffe
"Mars is essentially in the same orbit... Mars is somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe." -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 8/11/89 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)
"A man's only as old as the woman he feels" -- Groucho Marx
"I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I intended to be." -- Douglas Adams
Deep Thoughts: I wish a robot would get elected president. That way, when he came to town, we could all take a shot at him and not feel too bad.
"It is not length of life, but depth of life." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
"What is to give light must endure burning." -- Viktor Frankl
"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." -- Confucius
"It is dangerous to be right when the goverment is wrong." -- Voltaire
"Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us." -- Calvin
"Ooh, they have the Internet on computers now." -- Homer Simpson
"640K out to be enough for anybody." -Bill Gates, circa 1981
"A heretic is a man who sees with his own eyes." -- Gotthold Ephraim Lessing
"There is one way to find out if a man is honest -- ask him. If he says yes, you know he is crooked." -- Groucho Marx
Deep Thoughts: When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges.
"Make haste slowly." -- Ben Franklin
"Some people have a large circle of friends while others have only friends that they like." -- Unknown
"I never cheated an honest man, only rascals. They wanted something for nothing. I gave them nothing for something." -- Joseph "Yellow Kid" Weil
"He that would make his own liberty secure must guard even his enemy from oppression; for if he violates this duty he establishes a precedent that will reach to himself." -- Thomas Paine
"Let me just tell you how thrilling it really is, and how, what a challenge it is, because in 1988 the question is whether we're going forward to tomorrow or whether we're going to go past to the -- to the back!" -- Senator Dan Quayle, 8/17/88 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)
"Music expresses that which can not be said and on which it is impossible to be silent." -- Victor Hugo
"The New York Times is read by the people who run the country. The Washington Post is read by the people who think they run the country. The National Enquirer is read by the people who think Elvis is alive and running the country ..." -- Robert J Woodhead
"Never retreat. Never explain. Get it done and let them howl." -- Benjamin Jowett
"Don't accept rides from strange men -- and remember that all men are strange as hell." -- Robin Morgan
"There is more to life than increasing its speed." -- Gandhi
"Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it."
"A group of politicians deciding to dump a President because his morals are bad is like the Mafia getting together to bump off the Godfather for not going to church on Sunday." -- Russell Baker
"When you come to a fork in the road, take it." -- Yogi Berra
"To avoid criticism do nothing, say nothing, be nothing." -- Elbert Hubbard
"Only the wisest and stupidest of men never change." -- Confucius
"Technological progress has merely provided us with more efficient means for going backwards." -- Aldous Huxley
"A nation of sheep will beget a government of wolves." -- Edward R. Murrow
"Democracy is a device that insures we shall be governed no better than we deserve." -- George Bernard Shaw
"When a true genius appears in this world, you may know him by this sign, that the dunces are all in confederacy against him." -- Jonathan Swift
"It's better to give than to lend, and it costs about the same." -- Philip Gibbs
"One should try everything once, except incest and folk dancing." -- Arnold Bax
"Be wiser than other people if you can, but do not tell them so." -- Lord Chesterfield
"Any sufficiently advanced bug is indistinguishable from a feature." -- Rich Kulawiec
"Let us not be too particular: it is better to have old secondhand diamonds than none at all." -- Mark Twain
"Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance." -- Tony Brown
"Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity." -- General George S. Patton
"I've never understood why people consider youth a time of freedom and joy. It's probably because they've forgotten their own." -- Margaret Atwood
"In order to compose, all you need to do is remember a tune that nobody else has thought of." -- Robert Schumann
"Trouble is part of your life -- if you don't share it, you don't give the person who loves you a chance to love you enough." -- Dinah Shore

[@n!t@]

"Love is not just looking at each other, it's looking in the same direction." -- Antoine de SaintExupery
"If a nation values anything more than freedom, it will lose its freedom; and the irony of it is that if it is comfort or money that it values more, it will lose that, too." -- Somerset Maugham
"There is no use in your walking five miles to fish when you can depend on being just as unsuccessful near home." -- Mark Twain
"Experience is a hard teacher. She gives the test first and the lessons afterwards."
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." -- Albert Einstein
"If you would not be forgotten as soon as you are dead and rotten, either write things worth reading or do things worth the writing." -- Ben Franklin
"You must be the change you wish to see in the world." -- Gandhi
"Too much of anything is bad, but too much of good whiskey is barely enough." -- Mark Twain
"Don't pay any attention to the critics--don't even ignore them." -- Samuel Goldwyn
"Going to bed with a woman never hurt a ballplayer. It's staying up all night looking for them that does you in." -- Casey Stengel
"Cat: a pygmy lion who loves mice, hates dogs, and patronizes human beings." -- Oliver Herford
"The religion that is afraid of science dishoners God and commits suicide." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
"If you would know the value of money, go and try to borrow some." -- Ben Franklin
"Remember, you only have that space because some advertiser wouldn't buy it." -- Herb Caen to columnists
"A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money." -- G. Gordon Liddy
"There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We don't believe this to be a coincidence." -- Jeremy S. Anderson
"It is better to wear out than to rust out." -- Richard Cumberland
"Beware of little expenses; a small leak will sink a great ship." -- Ben Franklin
Fun with C Shell: Type the following: got a light?
"The evils of tyranny are rarely seen but by him who resists it." -- John Hay
"People will accept your idea much more readily if you tell them Benjamin Franklin said it first." -- David H. Comins
"Most rock journalism is people who can't write interviewing people who can't talk for people who can't read." -- Frank Zappa
"As a woman I have no country. As a woman my country is the whole world." -- Virginia Woolf
"I like trees because they seem more resigned to the way they have to live than other things do." -- Willa Cather
"Good communication is as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after." -- Anne Morrow Lindbergh
"I used to be with 'it', but then they changed what 'it' was. Now what I'm with isn't 'it' anymore and what's 'it' seems weird and scary." -- Grandpa Simpson
"Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to." -- Mark Twain
"The secret of life is to appreciate the pleasure of being terribly deceived." -- Oscar Wilde
"Efficiency is intelligent laziness." -- David Dunham
"Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night." -- Edgar Allen Poe
"In Germany they came first for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me, and by that time no one was left to speak up." -- Martin Niemoeller
"Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like `Psychic Wins Lottery'?" -- Jay Leno
"I cannot conceive that anybody will require multiplications at the rate of 40,000 or even 4,000 per hour..." -- F. H. Wales (1936)
Deep Thoughts: If they ever come up with a swashbuckling School, I think one of the courses should be Laughing, Then Jumping Off Something.
Murphy's Law 12: Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first.
"I use not only all the brains I have, but all those I can borrow as well." -- Woodrow Wilson
"Perhaps the most valuable result of all education is the ability to make yourself do the thing you have to do when it has to be done, whether you like it or not." -- Aldous Huxley
Deep Thoughts: I can't stand cheap people. It makes me real mad when someone says something like, "Hey, when are you going to pay me that $100 you owe me?" or "Do you have that $50 you borrowed?" Man, quit being so cheap!
"The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man." -- George Bernard Shaw
"Never lend books, for no one ever returns them; the only books I have in my library are books that other folks have lent to me." -- Anatole France
"When you're arguing with a fool, make sure he isn't doing the same thing."
"The only way a reporter should look at a politician is down." -- Vic Gold
"Let us endeavor to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry." -- Mark Twain
"We cherish our friends not for their ability to amuse us, but for ours to amuse them." -- Evelyn Waugh
"Nobody goes there anymore; it's too crowded." -- Yogi Berra
"In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes." -- Benjamin Franklin
"Better to rule in Hell than to serve in Heaven." -- Milton
"Bulls can make money and bears can make money, but hogs just get slaughtered." -- Wall Street adage
"Hawaii has always been a very pivotal role in the Pacific. It is in the Pacific. It is a part of the United States that is an island that is right here." -- Vice President Dan Quayle, Hawaii, 4/25/89 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)
"A friend might well be reckoned the masterpiece of nature." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
"We hear about the birth of a child and ask questions like, "What did she have? How much did it weigh?" and "Does it have any hair?" The Athabaskan Indian hear of a birth and ask, "Who came?" From the beginning, there is a respect for the newborn as a full person. " -- Lisa Delpit, Other People's Children: Cultural Conflict in the Classroom
"Help wanted ad for a photo journalist: If you found yourself in a situation where you could either save a drowning man, or you could take a Pulitzer prize winning photograph of him drowning, what shutter speed and setting would you use?" -- Paul Harvey
"Advertising is the rattling of a stick inside a swill bucket." -- George Orwell
"I do not want people to be agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them." -- Jane Austen
"Have a heart that never hardens, and a temper that never tires, and a touch that never hurts." -- Charles Dickens
"Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child." -- Senator Dan Quayle, US News and World Report (10/10/88)
"If one is to be called a liar, one may as well make an effort to deserve the name." -- A. A. Milne
"Hug your friends tight, but your enemies tighter; hug 'em so tight they can't wiggle." -- Lyndon Baines Johnson
"Never look at data on a Friday night. It can spoil your weekend." -- Anonymous researcher
"I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me." -- Dave Barry
"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia." -- Charles Schulz
"That's the difference between me and the rest of the world! Happiness isn't good enough for me! I demand euphoria!" -- Calvin
"You can have anything you want if you want it desperately enough. You must want it with an inner exuberance that erupts through the skin and joins the energy that created the world." -- Sheila Graham
"Where large sums of money are concerned, it is advisable to trust nobody." -- Agatha Christie
"A broken bone can heal, but the wound a word opens can fester forever." -- Jessamyn West
"Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity." -- Martin Luther King, Jr.
"A fool and his money are soon popular."
"Never saw off the branch you are on, unless you are being hanged from it." -- Stanislaw Lec
"Things may come to those who wait, but only the things left by those who hustle." -- Abraham Lincoln
"Everyone has talent. What is rare is the courage to follow the talent to the dark places where it leads." -- Erica Jong
"Generosity is not giving me that which I need more than you do, but it is giving me that which you need more than I do." -- Kahlil Gibran
"Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of joy you must have somebody to divide it with." -- Mark Twain
"To make a good salad is to be a brilliant diplomatist -- the problem is entirely the same in both cases: to know exactly how much oil one must put with one's vinegar." -- Oscar Wilde
"Don't carry a gun. It's nice to have them close by, but don't carry them. You might get arrested." -- John Gotti
Deep Thoughts: The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
"The true meaning of life is to plant trees, under whose shade you do not expect to sit." -- Nelson Henderson
"You know the great thing about TV? If something important happens anywhere at all in the world, no matter what time of the day or night, you can always change the channel." -- Jim Ignatowski
"If I have seen farther than others, it is because I was standing on the shoulders of giants." -- Isaac Newton
"This is the sort of English up with which I will not put." -- Winston Churchill
"The wise musicians are those who play what they can master." -- Duke Ellington
"Expect nothing. Live frugally on surprise." -- Alice Walker
Deep Thoughts: To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.
"Government is at its best a necessary evil, and at its worst, an intolerant one." -- Thomas Paine
"There is nothing more frightful than ignorance in action." -- Goethe
"You can no more win a war than you can win an earthquake." -- Jeanette Rankin
"There's only one way to get through life on this terrestrial ball and that is to have a clear conscience or none at all." -- Ogden Nash
"You miss 100 percent of the shots you never take." -- Wayne Gretzky
"Thanks, for a country where nobody is allowed to mind his own business. Thanks, for a nation of finks." -- William S. Burroughs
"Doing easily what others find difficult is talent; doing what is impossible for talent is genius." -- Henri-Frederic Amiel
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -- Martin Luther King, Jr

[@n!t@]

"If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put foundations under them." -- Henry David Thoreau
"The great tragedy of science -- the slaying of a beautiful hypothesis by an ugly fact." -- Aldous Huxley
"The only qualities for real success in journalism are ratlike cunning, a plausible manner, and a little literary ability. The capacity to steal other people's ideas and phrases... is also invaluable." -- Nicholas Tomalin
"A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul." -- George Bernard Shaw
"Life can only be understood backward, but must be lived forwards." -- Soren Kierkegaard
"Journalism is the first rough draft of history." -- unknown
"We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are." -- Anais Nin
"You tried you best and you failed miserably... The lesson is never try!" -- Homer Simpson
"He that would make his own liberty secure must guard even his enemy from oppression; for if he violates this duty he establishes a precedent that will reach to himself." -- Thomas Paine
"Every great advance in science has issued from a new audacity of imagination." -- John Dewey, The Quest for Certainty
"People who live in glass houses should always wear clothes." -- Marge Simpson
"Television is the first truly democratic culture - the first culture available to everybody and entirely governed by what the people want. The most terrifying thing is what people do want." -- Clive Barnes
"Money often costs too much." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
"A good man giving bad advice is more dangerous than a nasty man giving bad advice." -- Conor Cruise O'Brien
"I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have is that I didn't study my Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people." -- Dan Quayle
"The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligenct are full of doubt." -- Bertrand Russell
"I get my fingers in all our pies. Before you know it, your little fingers including all your toes are in all the pies." -- Imelda Marcos
"Young love is a flame; very pretty, often very hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. The love of the older and disciplined heart is as coals, deep burning, unquenchable." -- Henry Ward Beecher
"Never steal anything so small that you'll have to go to an unpleasant city jail for it instead of a minimum-security federal tennis prison." -- P. J. O'Rourke
"Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler" -- Albert Einstein
"Never befriend the oppressed unless you are prepared to take on the oppressor." -- Ogden Nash
"You can't hold a man down without staying down with him." -- Booker T. Washington
"You got to be very careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there." -- Yogi Berra
Deep Thoughts: If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."
"No one is so generous as he who has nothing to give." -- French Proverb
"Observe all men; thyself most." -- Ben Franklin
"If you make every game a life-and-death proposition, you're going to have problems. For one thing, you'll be dead a lot." -- Dean Smith
"The purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure pure reasoning, and inhibit clarity. With a little practice, writing can be an intimidating and impenetrable fog!" -- Calvin
"It's what we think we know already that often prevents us from learning." -- Claude Bernard
"Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live." -- Oscar Wilde
"Everything you read in newspapers is absolutely true, except for that rare story of which you happen to have first-hand knowledge." -- Erwin Knoll
Murphy's Law 5: If anything simply cannot go wrong, it will anyway.
"An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing."
"Most people would rather die than think; in fact, they do so." -- Bertrand Russell
"Having a non-smoking section in a restaurant is like having a non-peeing section in a swimming pool."
"If you aren't fired with enthusiasm, you'll be fired with enthusiasm." -- Vince Lombardi
"People have to talk about something just to keep their voice boxes in working order so they'll have good voice boxes in case there's ever anything really meaningful to say." -- Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
"My pappy told me never to bet my bladder against a brewery or get into an argument with people who buy ink by the barrel." -- Lane Kirkland
"He that falls in love with himself will have no rivals." -- Ben Franklin
"The books that the world calls immoral are the books that show the world its own shame." -- Oscar Wilde
"He is able who thinks he is able." -- Buddha
"We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world." -- Buddha
"If you do the job badly enough, sometimes you don't get asked to do it again." -- Calvin
"I suggest that the only books that influence us are those for which we are ready, and which have gone a little farther down our particular path than we have yet gone ourselves." -- E. M. Forster
"While you're savin' your face, you're losin' your ass." -- Lyndon Baines Johnson
"If you don't understand journalism but you can read a sentence -- particularly an underlined part of it -- you probably belong in broadcast journalism. Make sure you have several hair dryers. If you have a scar anywhere on your face, you'll have to go into print journalism." -- John Leo
"An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast; a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind." -- Buddha
"Nothing endures but change." -- Heraclitus
"The only skills I have the patience to learn are those that have no real application in life." -- Calvin
"Love thy neighbor as yourself, but choose your neighborhood." -- Louise Beal
"It takes two to lie: One to lie and one to listen." -- Homer Simpson
"The beginning is the most important part of the work." -- Plato, The Republic
"A complex system that works is invariably found to have evolved from a simple system that works."
"When the government's boot is on your throat, whether it is a left boot or a right boot is of no consequence." -- Gary Lloyd
"Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life." -- Michael Sinz
"If the shoe doesn't fit, must we change the foot?" -- Gloria Steinem
"A man who won't die for something is not fit to live." -- Martin Luther King, Jr.
"Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul." -- Mark Twain
"The idea is to die young as late as possible." -- Ashley Montagu
"Where observation is concerned, chance favors only the prepared mind." -- Louis Pasteur
"Clean your finger before you point at my spots." -- Ben Franklin
"Never murder a man when he's busy committing suicide." -- Woodrow Wilson
"Hear no ill of a friend, nor speak any of an enemy." -- Ben Franklin
"It's the rich you can terrorize. The poor have nothing to lose." -- Imelda Marcos
"That you may retain your self-respect, it is better to displease the people by doing what you know is right, than to temporarily please them by doing what you know is wrong." -- William J.H. Boetcker
"Debugging is anticipated with distaste, performed with reluctance, and bragged about forever." -- Anonymous
"Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes." -- Lewis Grizzard
"Fear is the greatest salesman." -- Robert Klein
"People need trouble -- a little frustration to sharpen the spirit on, toughen it. Artists do; I don't mean you need to live in a rat hole or gutter, but you have to learn fortitude, endurance. Only vegetables are happy." -- William Faulkner
"Take your life in your own hands, and what happens? A terrible thing: no one to blame." -- Erica Jong
Deep Thoughts: It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.
"Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes." -- Henry David Thoreau, Walden
"There won't be anything we won't say to people to try and convince them that our way is the way to go." - Bill Gates
"Frank and explicit -- that is the right line to take when you wish to conceal your own mind and confuse the minds of others." -- Benjamin Disraeli
Deep Thoughts: I hope if dogs ever take over the world, and they chose a king, they don't just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas.
"Search others for their virtues; thyself for thy vices." -- Ben Franklin
Deep Thoughts: I think someone should have had the decency to tell me the luncheon was free. To make someone run out with potato salad in his hand, pretending he's throwing up, is not what I call hospitality.
"Never trust the food in a restaurant on top of the tallest building in town that spends a lot of time folding napkins." -- Andy Rooney
"It is a most mortifying reflection for a man to consider what he has done, compared to what he might have done." -- Samuel Johnson
"Never run after your own hat -- others will be delighted to do it; why spoil their fun?" -- Mark Twain
"Any fool can make a rule, and any fool will mind it." -- Henry David Thoreau
"One of the best ways to persuade others is with your ears -- by listening." -- Dean Rusk
"When all men think alike, no one thinks very much." -- Walter Lippmann
"Never take the antidote before the poison." -- Latin proverb
"A never-failing way to get rid of a fellow is to tell him something for his own good." -- Kin Hubbard
"Great deeds are usually wrought at great risks." -- Herodotus
"In the beginner's mind there are many possibilities, but in the expert's mind there are few." -- Shunryu Suzuki
"If thou suffer injustice, console thyself; the true unhappiness is in doing it." -- Democritus
"You really never lose until you stop trying." -- Mike Ditka
"Anyone who considers protocol unimportant has never dealt with a cat." -- R. Heinlein

[@n!t@]

"If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life." -- Brooke Shields
"Wear the old coat and buy the new book." -- Austin Phelps
"A democracy cannot exist as a permanent form of government. It can only exist until a majority of voters discover that they can vote themselves largess out of the public treasury." -- Alexander Tytler
"Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely." -- P.J. O'Rourke
"Always listen to experts. They'll tell you what can't be done and why. Then do it." -- Robert Heinlein
"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars" -- Oscar Wilde
"The great rule is not to talk about money with people who have much more or much less than you." -- Katharine Whitehorn
"Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere." -- Martin Luther King, Jr.
"Reporters are not required to read you your Miranda rights." -- Christopher Matthews
"Well done is better than well said."
Deep Thoughts: Better not take a dog on the space shuttle, because if he sticks his head out when you're coming home his face might burn up.
"A paranoid is someone who knows a little of what's going on." -- William Burroughs
"The most overlooked advantage to owning a computer is that if they foul up, there's no law against whacking them around a little." -- Porterfield
Deep Thoughts: Just because swans mate for life, I don't think its that big a deal. First of all, if you're a swan, you're probably not going to find a swan that looks much better than the one you've got, so why not mate for life?
Fun with C Shell: Type the following: make "the perfect dry martini"
"Insanity in individuals is something rare - but in groups, parties, nations and epochs, it is the rule." -- Friedrich Nietzsche
"Be happy while you're living, for you're a long time dead." -- Scottish Proverb
"Welcome to President Bush, Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts." -- Vice President Dan Quayle addressing the 20th anniversary celebration of the moon landing, 7/20/89 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)
"A man can fall many, many times in life, but he's never a failure until he refuses to get up." -- Evel Kneival
"Always acknowledge a fault frankly. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more." -- Mark Twain
"I was never more hated than when I tried to be honest. Or when, even as just now I've tried to articulate exactly what I felt to be the truth." -- Ralph Ellison
"We are ready for an unforseen event that may or may not occur." -- Dan Quayle
"Fast, cheap, good: pick two."
"The man who sets out to carry a cat by its tail learns something that will always be useful and which never will grow dim or doubtful." -- Mark Twain.
"The most guileful among the reporters...are those who appear friendly and smile and seem to be supportive. They are the ones who seek to gut you on every occasion." -- Edward Koch
"The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins." -- Oliver Wendell Holmes
"If only we'd stop trying to be happy we could have a pretty good time." -- Edith Wharton
"Think of the fierce energy concentrated in an acorn! You bury it in the ground and it explodes into a giant oak! Bury a sheep and nothing happens but decay." -- George Bernard Shaw
"Men have become the tools of their tools." -- Henry David Thoreau
"A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow." -- Patton
"If you can't make it good, make it look good." -- Bill Gates
"He who joyfully marches in rank and file has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would suffice." -- Albert Einstein
"When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before." -- Mae West
"Any activity becomes creative when the doer cares about doing it right, or better." -- John Updike
"A great book should leave you with many experiences, and slightly exhausted. You should live several lives while reading it." -- William Styron
"A successful [software] tool is one that was used to do something undreamed of by its author." -- S. C. Johnson
"Lock up your libraries if you like, but there is no gate, no lock, no bolt that you can set upon the freedom of my mind." -- Virginia Woolf
"Happiness is not having what you want. It's wanting what you have."
"Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you." -- Winston Churchill
"Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid." -- Han Solo
"What a poor appearance the tales of poets make when stripped of the colours which music puts upon them, and recited in simple prose." -- Plato, The Republic
"Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever." -- Gandhi
"We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a part of Europe." -- Vice President Dan Quayle
"If you tell a lie, always rehearse it. If it don't sound good to you, it won't sound good to anybody." -- Satchel Paige
"If two men agree on everything, you may be sure that one of them is doing the thinking." -- Lyndon Baines Johnson
"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." -- Vice President Dan Quayle
Murphy's Law 4: If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong. Corollary: If there is a worse time for something to go wrong, it will happen then.
Murphy's Law 13: Every solution breeds new problems.
"Never trust the advice of a man in difficulties." -- Aesop
"Tart words make no friends; a spoonful of honey will catch more flies than a gallon of vinegar." -- Ben Franklin
"Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers." -- Leonard Brandwein
Murphy's Law 10: Mother nature is a bitch.
Deep Thoughts: I'd rather be rich than stupid.
"A free society is a place where it's safe to be unpopular." -- Adlai Stevenson
"Microsoft programs are generally bug free." -- Bill Gates
"There is one thing even more vital to science than intelligent methods; and that is, the sincere desire to find out the truth, whatever it may be." -- Charles Sanders Pierce
"If a trainstation is where the train stops, what's a workstation...?"
"Advertisements contain the only truths to be relied on in a newspaper." -- Thomas Jefferson
"Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, magic and power in it. Begin it now." -- Goethe
"Discovery consists of seeing what everybody has seen and thinking what nobody has thought." -- Albert von Szent-Gyorgy
"Intellect annuls fate. So far as a man thinks, he is free." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Advertising is a valuable economic factor because it is the cheapest way of selling goods, particularly if the goods are worthless." -- Sinclair Lewis
"If something is so complicated that you can't explain it in 10 seconds, then it's probably not worth knowing anyway." -- Calvin
"He who hasn't hacked assemply language as a youth has no heart. He who does as an adult has no brain." -- John Moore
"The more things a man is ashamed of, the more respectable he is." -- George Bernard Shaw
"They call me corrupt, frivolous. I am not at all privileged. Maybe the only privileged thing is my face. And corrupt? God! I would not look like this if I am corrupt. Some ugliness would settle down on my system." -- Imelda Marcos
"Make a kid feel stupid and he'll act stupider." -- John Holt
"Be civil to all, sociable to many, familiar with few, friend to one, enemy to none." -- Ben Franklin
"If you know how rich you are, you are not rich. But me, I am not aware of the extent of my wealth. That's how rich we are." -- Imelda Marcos
"It is not economical to go to bed early to save the candles if the result is twins." -- Chinese proverb
"Our Age of Anxiety is, in great part, the result of trying to do today's jobs with yesterday's tools." -- Marshall McLuhan
"Experience is what causes a person to make new mistakes instead of old ones."
"Necessity is the plea of every infringement of human freedom. It is the argument of tyrants; it is the creed of slaves." -- William Pitt
"Baseball is 90% mental, the other half is physical" -- Yogi Berra
"There is a single light of science, and to brighten it anywhere is to brighten it everywhere." -- Isaac Asimov
"A billion here, a billion there -- pretty soon it adds up to real money." -- Sen. Everett Dirksen, on the U.S. defense budget
"In certain trying circumstances, urgent circumstances, desperate circumstances, profanity furnishes a relief denied even to prayer." -- Mark Twain
"Man + Beer = More Man"
"Practice whatever the big truth is so that you can say it in forty seconds on camera." -- Newt Gingrich
Murphy's Law 7: Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
Deep Thoughts: If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid looking in a mirror, because I bet that will really throw you into a panic.
"Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you mad." -- Aldous Huxley
"It's easy to cry 'bug' when the truth is that you've got a complex system and sometimes it takes a while to get all the components to co-exist peacefully." -- Doug Vargas
"Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic." -- Arthur C. Clarke
"Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on." -- Winston Churchill
"The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready."
"It is better to lose health like a spendthrift than to waste it like a miser, better to live and be done with it, than to die daily in the sick room." -- Robert Louis Stevenson
"It is just like man's vanity and impertinence to call an animal dumb beacuse it is dumb to his dull perceptions." -- Mark Twain
"If you see a snake, just kill it. Don't appoint a committee on snakes." -- H. Ross Perot
"This election is about who's going to be the next President of the United States!" -- Senator Dan Quayle, 9/2/88 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)
"Sometimes it pays to stay on bed in Monday, rather than spending the rest of the week debuging Monday's code." -- Dan Salomon
"Life is either a daring adventure or nothing." -- Helen Keller
"The First Amendment is often inconvenient. But that is beside the point. Inconvenience does not absolve the government of its obligation to tolerate speech." -- Justice Anthony Kennedy
"I say, if your knees aren't green by the end of the day, you ought to seriously
"Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever." -- Napoleon Bonaparte
Deep Thoughts: A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone. "Hear that?" you say. "That's dynamite, baby."
"If built in great numbers, motels will be used for nothing but illegal purposes." -- J. Edgar Hoover

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"Kids are great. You can teach them to hate the things you hate, and they practically raise themseves, what with the Internet and all." -- Homer Simpson
"Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it."
"I could dance with you till the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather dance with the cows till you come home." -- Groucho Marx
"Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do." -- Jean-Paul Sartre
"Mistakes are the portals of discovery." -- James Joyce
"It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place." -- H. L. Mencken
"I like dreams of the future better than the history of the past." -- Thomas Jefferson
"A wise person makes his own decisions, a weak one obeys public opinion." -- Chinese proverb
"You can observe a lot just by watchin'." -- Yogi Berra
"It is wise not to seek a secret and honest not to reveal it." -- Ben Franklin
"We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools." -- Martin Luther King, Jr.
"The man who does not read books has no advantage over the man that can not read them." -- Mark Twain
"Hardware: the parts of a computer that can be kicked." -- Jeff Pesis
"If you don't watch the violence, you'll never get desensitized to it." -- Bart Simpson
Deep Thoughts: To me, it's always a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, "Hey, can you give me a hand?," you can say, "Sorry, got these sacks."
"I believe that every individual is naturally entitled to do as he pleases with himself and the fruits of his labor, so far as it in no way interferes with any other men's rights." -- Abraham Lincoln
"The biggest danger for a politician is to shake hands with a man who is physically stronger, has been drinking, and is voting for the other guy." -- William Proxmire
"Useless laws weaken the necessary laws." -- Montesquieu
"Money is like manure. If you spread it around it does a lot of good, but if you pile it up in one place, it stinks like hell." -- Clint Murchison
"Computers are useless. They can only give you answers." -- Pablo Picasso
"Look around the table. If you don't see a sucker, get up, because you're the sucker." -- Amarillo Slim
"A free press is the unsleeping guardian of every other right that free men prize." -- Winston Churchill
"When I discover who I am, I'll be free." -- Ralph Ellison
"Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races." -- Homer Simpson
Murphy's Law 2: Everything takes longer than you think.
"To give pleasure to a single heart by a single kind act is better than a thousand head-bowings in prayer." -- Saddi
"The only way to have a friend is to be one." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names." -- John F. Kennedy
"The key is not the 'will to win'... everybody has that. It is the will to prepare to win that is important." -- Bobby Knight
Deep Thoughts: We tend to scoff at the beliefs of the ancients. But we can't scoff at them personally, to their faces, and this is what annoys me.
"If you would eat well in England, you must eat breakfast three times a day." -- W. Somerset Maugham
re-examine your life." -- Calvin
Deep Thoughts: I wish outer space guys would conquer the Earth and make people their pets, because I'd like to have one of those little beds with my name on it.
"Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner." -- James Bovard
"Nobody works as hard for his money as the man who marries it." -- Kin Hubbard
"Do not fear your enemies. The worst they can do is kill you. Do not fear friends. At worst, they may betray you. Fear those who do not care; they neither kill nor betray, but betrayal and murder exists because of their silent consent." -- Bruno Jasienski (Yasensky)
"Certain flaws are necessary for the whole. It would seem strange if old friends lacked certain quirks." -- Goethe
Deep Thoughts: I bet when the neanderthal kids would make a snowman, someone would always end up saying, "Don't forget the thick, heavy brows." Then they would all get embarrassed because they remembered they had the big hunky brows too, and they'd get mad and eat the snowman.
"A bug in the code is worth two in the documentation."
"I don't think anyone should write his autobiography until after he's dead." -- Samuel Goldwyn
"Work is a fine thing if it doesn't take too much of your spare time." -- Anonymous
"Trust in Allah, but tie your camel." -- Arabian proverb
"I tremble for my species when I reflect that God is just." -- Thomas Jefferson
"Always live within your income, even if you have to borrow money to do so." -- Josh Billings
"To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems!" -- Homer Simpson
"Do, or do not. There is no 'try'." -- Yoda
"Rule a kingdom as though you were cooking a small fish - don't overdo it." -- Lao Tzu
"I knew I was going to take the wrong train, so I left early." -- Yogi Berra
Fun with C Shell: Type the following: make "heads or tails of all this"
"Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself." -- Mark Twain
Deep Thoughts: I wish I had a Kryptonite cross, because then you could keep both Dracula AND Superman away.
"I have learned throughout my life as a composer chiefly through my mistakes and pursuits of false assumptions, not by my exposure to founts of wisdom and knowledge." -- Igor Stravinsky
"People who are funny and smart and return phone calls get much better press than people who are just funny and smart." -- Howard Simons, The Washington Post
"Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment." -- Robert Benchley
"Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person." -- Mark Twain
"Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research."
"When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did---in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming --like the passengers in his car."
"Any philosophy that can be put "in a nutshell" belongs there." -- Sydney J. Harris
"All progress is based upon a universal innate desire on the part of every organism to live beyond its income." -- Samuel Butler
"Never believe in mirrors or newspapers." -- John Osborne
"I didn't do it, nobody saw me do it, you can't prove anything." -- Bart Simpson
"A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any other invention, with the possible exceptions of handguns and Tequilla." -- Mitch Ratcliffe
"To feel at home, stay at home. A foreign country is not designed to make you comfortable. It's designed to make its own people comfortable." -- Clifton Fadiman
"It is better to deserve honours and not have them than to have them and not to deserve them." -- Mark Twain
"The natural progress of things is for liberty to yield and government to gain ground." -- Thomas Jefferson
"Any business arrangement that is not profitable to the other person will in the end prove unprofitable for you. The bargain that yields mutual satisfaction is the only one that is apt to be repeated." -- B. C. Forbes
"At a dinner party, one should eat wisely but not too well, and talk well but not too wisely." -- W. Somerset Maugham
"What's the point of wearing your favorite rocketship underpants if nobody ever asks to see 'em?" -- Calvin
"The loss of life will be irreplaceable." -- Vice President Dan Quayle after the San Francisco earthquake, 10/19/89 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)
"It is good to have an end to journey toward, but it is the journey that matters in the end." -- Ursula K. LeGuin
"Any fool can make a rule, and any fool will mind it." -- Henry David Thoreau
"Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored." -- Aldous Huxley
"This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness." -- Dalai Lama
"Bodily exercise, when compulsory, does no harm to the body; but knowledge which is acquired under compulsion obtains no hold on the mind." -- Plato
"A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me. I'm afraid of widths." -- Steven Wright
"In an underdeveloped country, don't drink the water; in a developed country, don't breathe the air." -- Changing Times magazine
"There never was a good war or a bad peace." -- Benjamin Franklin
"What you do not use yourself, do not give to others. For example: advice." -- Sri Chinmoy
"Some men see things as they are and ask why. Others dream things that never were and ask why not." -- George Bernard Shaw
"I'm tired of sitting here not getting to beat any of the listeners' asses." -- Howard Stern
Murphy's Law 9: Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
"When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained." -- Mark Twain
"Unix is the worst operating system; except for all others." -- Berry Kercheval
Murphy's Law 3: Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.
"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix." -- Dan Quayle
"Nighttime is dark so you can imagine your fears with less distraction." -- Calvin
"An intellectual is someone whose mind watches itself." -- Albert Camus
"Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored." -- Aldous Huxley
"Chance fights ever on the side of the prudent." -- Euripides
"Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest." -- Mark Twain
"If thou injurest conscience, it will have its revenge on thee." -- Ben Franklin
"Never assume anything except a 4-1/4 percent mortgage." -- Dave Kindred
"If you don't think too good, don't think too much." -- Ted Williams
"There is no distinctly native American criminal class save Congress." -- Mark Twain
"I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand." -- Confucius
"A yawn is a silent shout." -- G.K. Chesterton
"To be clever enough to get a great deal of money, one must be stupid enough to want it." -- George Bernard Shaw
"It is not enough to have a good mind; the main thing is to use it well." -- Rene Descartes
Deep Thoughts: If you're a horse, and someone gets on you, and falls off, and then gets right back on you, I think you should buck him off right away.
"A debugged program is one for which you have not yet found the conditions that make it fail." -- Jerry Ogdin
Murphy's Law 1: Nothing is as easy as it looks.
"The internet is a great way to get 'on the net.'" -- Bob Dole
"True peace is not merely the absence of tension, it is the presence of justice." -- Martin Luther King, Jr.
"It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt." -- Mark Twain
"Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance." -- Confucius
"There's no way to rule innocent men. The only power any government has is the power to c r 4c k down on criminals. Well, when there aren't enough criminals, one makes them. One declares so many things to be a crime that it becomes impossible to live without breaking laws." -- Ayn Rand
"It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago..." -- Dan Quayle
"There is no surer way to ruin a good discussion than to contaminate it with the facts." -- Cecil Adams
"All that is gold does not glitter; not all those that wander are lost." -- J. R. R. Tolkien
"What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is." -- Vice President Dan Quayle to the United Negro College Fund, 5/9/89 (reported in the NY Times, 12/9/92)
"When you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get." -- Homer Simpson
"If you don't strike oil in twenty minutes, stop boring." -- Andrew Carnegie, on public speaking
"There are no wrong notes." -- Thelonious Monk
"Don't bother just to be better than your contemporaries or predecessors. Try to be better than yourself." -- William Faulkner
"Sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad. And I'm tired of making other people feel good about themselves. " -- Homer Simpson
"All intelligent thoughts have already been thought; what is necessary is only to try to think them again." -- Goethe
"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century." -- Senator Dan Quayle, 9/15/88 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)
"If I had to choose between betraying my country and betraying my friend, I hope I should have the guts to betray my country." -- E. M. Forster
"Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact." -- George Eliot
"A critic is a bundle of biases held loosely together by a sense of taste." -- Whitney Balliett
"The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher regard those who think alike than those who think differently." -- Nietzche
"Time wounds all heels." -- Groucho Marx
"The radical of one century is the conservative of the next. The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out, the conservative adopts them." -- Mark Twain
"Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
"A rattlesnake that doesn't bite teaches you nothing." -- Jessamyn West
"No society has been able to abolish human sadness; no political system can deliver us from the pain of living, from our fear of death, our thirst for the absolute. It is the human condition that directs the social condition, not vice-versa." -- Eugene Ionesco
"Perl - The only language that looks the same before and after RSA encryption." -- Keith Bostic
"Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function." -- Garrison Keillor
"None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free." -- Goethe
"Democracy is the worst form of government except all those other forms that have been tried from time to time." -- Winston Churchill
"If we do not succeed, then we run the risk of failure." -- Vice President Dan Quayle, to the Phoenix Republican Forum, 3/23/90 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)
"It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating." -- Oscar Wilde
"Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else -- and it hasn't -- it's that girls should stick to girls' sports, such as hot-oil wrestling, foxy boxing, and such-and-such." -- Homer Simpson
Murphy's Law 8: If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
"He who edits least edits best." -- Arnold Gingrich
"Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example." -- Mark Twain

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"If it keeps up, man will atrophy all his limbs but the push-button finger." -- Frank Lloyd Wright
Deep Thoughts: When you're riding in a time machine way far into the future, don't stick your elbow out the window, or it'll turn into a fossil.
Deep Thoughts: Probably the earliest flyswatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached to the end of a long stick.
"To sing about freedom and to pray for its coming is not enough. Freedom must be actualized in history by oppressed peoples who accept the intellectual challenge to analyze the world for the purpose of changing it." -- James Cone, Speaking the Truth
"If you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way." -- Homer Simpson
"A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation." -- H.H. Munro, "Saki"
"I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy - but that could change." -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 5/22/89 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)
"There are people who strictly deprive themselves of each and every eatable, drinkable, and smokable which has in any way acquired a shady reputation. They pay this price for health. And health is all they get for it. How strange it is. It is like paying out your whole fortune for a cow that has gone dry." -- Mark Twain
"All sorrows can be borne if you tell a story about them." -- Karen Blixen
"Reality continues to ruin my life." -- Calvin
"You can kill a man but you can't kill an idea." -- Medgar Evers
"Better to light a candle than to curse the darkness." -- Chinese Proverb
"The journey is the reward." -- Taoist Saying
"Extremism in the defense of liberty is no vice. Moderation in the pursuit of justice is no virtue." -- Barry Goldwater
"Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms." -- Groucho Marx
"I had no shoes and I pitied myself. Then I met a man who had no feet, so I took his shoes." -- Dave Barry
Deep Thoughts: If you're robbing a bank and you're pants fall down, I think it's okay to laugh and to let the hostages laugh too, because, come on, life is funny.
"The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin." -- Mark Twain
Murphy's Law 6: If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop.
"A sequel is an admission that you've been reduced to imitating yourself." -- Don Marquis
"Don't take a butcher's advice on how to cook meat. If he knew, he'd be a chef." -- Andy Rooney
"Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all other countries because you were born in it." -- George Bernard Shaw
"Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocrities. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence." -- Albert Einstein
"The secret of happiness is to face the fact that the world is horrible, horrible, horrible..." -- Bertrand Russell
"It's a good rule to follow the first law of holes: if you are in one, stop digging." -- Denis Healy
"A man's ethical behavior should be based effectually on sympathy, education, and social ties; no religious basis is necessary. Man would indeeded be in a poor way if he had to be restrained by fear of punishment and hope of reward after death." -- Albert Einstein
"The beginning of wisdom is to call things by their right name." -- Chinese proverb
"The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule." -- H. L. Mencken
"C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot. C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg." -- Bjarne Stroustrup
"The church is near, but the road is slippery. The bar is far away, but I will walk carefully." -- Russian Proverb
"If you can't imitate him, don't copy him." -- Yogi Berra
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." -- Benjamin Franklin
Fun with C Shell: Type the following: ^How did the^sex change operation go?
"I don't kill flies, but I like to mess with their minds. I hold them above globes. They freak out and yell 'Whooa, I'm *way* too high.'" -- Bruce Baum
"Every word is like an unnecessary stain on silence and nothingness." -- Beckett
"Clocks slay time ... time is dead as long as it is being clicked off by little wheels; only when the clock stops does time come to life." -- William Faulkner
"The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved - loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves." -- Victor Hugo
"Women should be obscene and not heard." -- Groucho Marx
"Where morality is present, laws are unnecessary. Without morality, laws are unenforceable." -- Anonymous
"One word sums up probably the responsibility of any vice president, and that one word is `to be prepared'." -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 12/6/89 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)
"Our care should not be to have lived long as to have lived enough.&